I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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