you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
