my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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