he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
