im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
