I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
