Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize