he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
