You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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