Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
