Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
