i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am one with the molecules
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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