Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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