Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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