part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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