So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
only you would photoshop your dick
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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