I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
