Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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