She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
