i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize