his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
