Sry I called you an 8
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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