the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
