the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
