my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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