i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize