honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
