omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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