guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
