Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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