Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
