zippers are such a cool invention
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
