So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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