This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
