Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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