Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
