am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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