His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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