I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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