Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im part way to drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
