i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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