In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
