The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
