i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
