So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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