I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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