I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
