did you get engaged???
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
