You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
