I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
