i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
