Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
