so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize