Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
