I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
