I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
