I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
