i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
