Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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