i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
