Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
