My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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