i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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