Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
