What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
