Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
