All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
