I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
