so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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