Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
