So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize